The thing that has been on my mind lately, is how seriously I take everything in my life. Letting go, having fun, laughing at the challenges of life – not things that come naturally to me. I always want things to be just right (my right)… As I’ve been writing my blog, I’ve come to realise that, I’m learning these lessons over and over and over… and there is no right way to live this life. And if you realise that you’ve made the ‘wrong’ decision, its often very possible to make another one to change the outcome.
And, maybe its not about whether its the right or the wrong decision, but whether its good for me. At the end of the day, its all a matter of perspective. What’s good for me, might not be good for you!
“… if you don’t want to think yourself into a corner, you need to think yourself into the open, and the only way of doing that, is to enjoy not knowing you’re right or wrong, play the game of life without trying to work out the rules. Stop judging the living, enjoy futility… remember that fasting men survive, while starving men die, laugh as your illusions collapse…” (A fraction of the whole, Steve Toltz)
I have this interesting, sometimes crazy, new life (for the next few months). I live on a tiny Greek island where everyone knows your business. I’m a waitress, with dangerously little Greek (I can’t seem to get that right!). I start work at 7 pm and very rarely get to bed before 3am. I sleep until I wake up, and have breakfast when everyone else is having lunch. Then, I might go for a swim, write some mails and my blog, and possibly have a siesta before I go to work again. Its a bizarre, but fabulous new routine. Yet, I still get stressed out – because I take it all so seriously. I’m still scared of making mistakes. It exhausts me, and it creates unnecessary tension in my life – and I wonder, why is it necessary for me to approach everything in life as if you are going to be punished if you get it wrong. My boss (the chef) tells me every now and then when the ‘heat’ in the kitchen gets too much: “Its only food, as long as they enjoy being here, we’ll do it all again tomorrow.”
This is your only life, so try to relax a little bit. Make a bit of room for mistakes – yours and others’. It does not have to be perfect. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself some room to grow. Stop being so unforgiving, uncompromising, judgemental – with yourself and others. How about making a mistake and thinking to yourself – this is a fabulous f**k up and enjoy it. Observe yourself in a moment where you are less than perfect.
I want to try out this new concept: What if I approach life as a game? If I don’t win, so what. Don’t even think about learning the rules… they will always change. You throw a dice – and while its up in the air, there are six possibilities. Life is like that. You make a decision with the information at hand, and the possible outcomes are endless. None right or wrong. And if it doesn’t work for you, make another decision. But, try to have fun.
How do you have fun? How do you play the game of life?